


exactly what you run from you end up chasing

by rainbowrabblerouser



Series: written because I'm lonely, melancholic, gay, yearning, aching, and pining and– [15]
Category: The Witcher (TV)
Genre: Angry Jaskier | Dandelion, Angst, First Kiss, Fix-It, Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia Apologizes, Getting Back Together, Hurt Jaskier | Dandelion, Literal Sleeping Together, Love Confessions, M/M, Making Up, Post-Episode: S01E06 Rare Species, Soft Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-19
Updated: 2020-05-19
Packaged: 2021-03-02 20:54:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,194
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24263173
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rainbowrabblerouser/pseuds/rainbowrabblerouser
Summary: Geralt finds Jaskier in a tavern a month after they part ways on the mountain.
Relationships: Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia/Jaskier | Dandelion
Series: written because I'm lonely, melancholic, gay, yearning, aching, and pining and– [15]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1712041
Comments: 4
Kudos: 170





	exactly what you run from you end up chasing

**Author's Note:**

> title from:
> 
> "BOYFRIEND" 
> 
> -
> 
> borrowed lyrics from:
> 
> "EARFQUAKE"
> 
> "NEW MAGIC WAND"
> 
> –all by Tyler the Creator
> 
> (all of these songs are about painful yearning)

When Geralt leaves Jaskier, well more like Jaskier leaves him, he feels deep regret and melancholy for literal weeks afterwards. The lack of Jaskier’s presence haunts him for about a month in the form of his songs, the memory of his face, the lingering touch on his hands on him, and the longing to hear just a note of his voice. 

He fucked up.

Big time.

_“Don’t leave....it’s my fault….”_

_“When it all comes crashing down, I need you….”_

_“You make my earth quake...oh…”_

Geralt hears these lyrics when he passes by a tavern. He could tell that voice anywhere. Even if he was deaf, he would have been able to tell from the vibrations. He knows who it is. He knows that it’s Jaskier.

He settles in his spot in the back corner of the tavern with his ale. It had rained, so he put Roach in a stable and decided to sleep indoors. 

Of course, as fate had it, he was staying in the same inn with a tavern as his ex-partner-whatever-you’d-call-his-relation-to-him. Jaskier was singing with such longing and heartache in his voice. He probably had striked “Toss A Coin” from his setlist. He wouldn’t have blamed him. He broke his heart.

Geralt deserved to be forgotten. Jaskier was worth so much more than anyone or anything Geralt has ever encountered on his journeys. He would have given anything to have him back. But the issue was that Jaskier had probably already moved on. He probably didn’t want him back. Knowing him, Geralt assumed that Jaskier had given up on adventuring and instead just stuck to his music.

Except Jaskier’s music didn’t sound like it usually did. It wasn’t gentle and seductive anymore. Whatever the fuck you’d call the excuse for music that Geralt heard echo throughout the tavern was absolutely not a traditional Jaskier song. It was rough, desperate, angry, feral, full of rage. It was sung as if to tear flesh, to curse out at the dedicated audience. To shout at him. Addressed to Geralt only.

_“I need to get her out the picture...she’s really fucking up my frame…She's not developed like we are...”_

_“I wanna share last names, I wanna be your number one…”_

_“She's gonna be dead, I just got a magic wand...(Don't leave)...We can finally be together...”_

Jaskier’s yelling and his voice is deeper as he sings. More like yell-singing. He’s obviously in pain. Hell, he looked like a fucking mess. His hair askew and his doublet not even buttoned. His inside shirt was wrinkled too. There were circles under his eyes.

“Thank you, everyone. I’m Jaskier. Broken-hearted bard. Goodnight.”

Geralt watches as Jaskier gathers up his coin and strodes over to the bar to get a drink. Some hard liquor. Yeah, he was fucking spiraling. 

He considers confronting Jaskier, but he hesitates and opts for waiting for him to leave. 

“I need to forget someone. Give me something strong,” Jaskier calls as he sits down.

He spots him breaking down at the bar as he drinks and complains to the bartender about how his ex had destroyed his heart and how bad it was for him.

  
“Can you believe him? Blaming me! God, I hate that I still love him after twenty years.”

Jaskier loves him? Still? 

Geralt felt stupid. 

He was probably just rambling and saying things he didn’t mean.

Maybe Jaskier was already drunk.

Wait, no, he wouldn’t have sung that well. Geralt had known him long enough to know that Jaskier can’t hit low notes when he’s intoxicated. 

He cursed himself for knowing that. 

Finally, Jaskier leaves and Geralt follows. Y’know, to make sure that he doesn’t get hurt. It’s not like Geralt was doing it for other reasons…

“Sometimes, I hate that you know me so well.”

Jaskier calls it out, not looking behind him to face Geralt. He stops in his tracks and puts his hand up in dramatic fashion. Of course, as fate had it, Jaskier could tell Geralt’s footsteps anywhere just by the sound of how his footfalls hit the ground and his armor clunked a bit.

_"Don't leave...it's my fault..."_

Geralt's voice echoes in the empty square.

He catches up and looks at Jaskier’s face up close. He looked more worn out than he thought. Jaskier had definitely not slept as well as he did when he was with Geralt and he looked too pale and skinny. Like he had been forgetting to eat and drink water.

“Jaskier.”

“Don’t.”

His words cut through him even though he said them softly as the wind blew. 

“No. Geralt. Don’t fucking ‘Jaskier’ me with your treacherously sexy, husky baritone voice. I can’t fucking take it when I’m sober. No way can I take it when I’ve had literally one sip of alcohol that I spit out immediately after. So I just can’t,” Jaskier sneers.

Then, he softens as he looks up at Geralt with pleading eyes.

Geralt goes “Hm” and that sets Jaskier off as he kicks the ground and runs his hands through his hair. He watches as Jaskier loses it.

“Fuck! This again! Of course, you’ve found me to probably yell at me and break my fucking heart again! Oh, Geralt, what’ll it be this time? You’re going to tell me how I fucking failed you? Tell me how bad my songs were? They’re works in progress!”

After a few moments of silence, Jaskier stumbles over into Geralt’s personal space, so close that he can feel his breathing. Then, he grabs Geralt’s front armor and pulls him down forcefully. 

“Look at me. Look at what you did to me, Geralt. Just spare me the pleasantries and get to it. Break my already shattered heart into dust already…”

Jaskier doesn’t let go as he pulls him and rests his forehead against his and closes his eyes and takes a deep breath as if he’s breathing out his sorrows. 

Geralt just looks down at him as he wraps his arms around Jaskier, who is shivering in the cold of the night. Maybe he had left his jacket in the tavern. Or maybe he just decided that he didn’t care anymore to cover up well enough.

Jaskier doesn’t push him away. He just slumps against him, leaning into the embrace and sighing, not saying another word. He feels Jaskier tilt his head as he moves his face to Geralt’s neck. 

“Why are you doing this? Why are you hugging me? Even after I told you to fuck off?”

A small rumble of a chuckle runs through him as he starts running his hands through Jaskier’s hair and he holds him tighter. This was nice. They should do this more often. Jaskier fits so perfectly against him. In his arms. He never wanted to let go.

“Because I want you back. And I suppose I love you so much I can’t leave you.”

Jaskier stiffens in his arms, but doesn’t say anything. The wind blew harder and Geralt could feel Jaskier trembling. He still remains silent.

“You don’t have to say anything to me, Jaskier. I don’t deserve it. Just, please let me take care of you right now. I need to know you’re all right.”

Geralt feels him nod as Jaskier’s skin shifts against his softly. He sighed in relief as he took Jaskier in his arms and carried him in a bridal carry to the inn.

By the time he gets back to the room they were supposed to share (apparently, the innkeeper just assumed they were together), Jaskier has fallen asleep in his arms. Geralt sighs as he lays him down gently onto the bed. 

When he’s all ready for bed, he slides in next to Jaskier and puts an arm around his waist to pull him close. He was still cold. Geralt rests his head on Jaskier’s shoulder as he holds him from behind. Then, as he falls asleep, he gives Jaskier a little kiss on the cheek, drifting off into dreams of an adventure with his bard who didn’t want to be his anymore.

Jaskier wakes up to find Geralt out cold with his arm around him. He doesn’t move, afraid that he’ll disturb him and ruin everything. His head was throbbing and he felt like complete shit on the inside. At least Geralt hadn’t screamed at him again. He knew that his heart wouldn’t be able to take it anymore. In the end, he had been the one to shout out his feelings. His pain. His rage. His melancholy.

Instead, Jaskier had broken his rule about ranting about his emotions while sober and he had complicated everything again. Not allowing Geralt to get his word in properly. He didn’t want to feel this pain in his chest anymore. He wished he had never fallen in the first place, but it’s fucking late for regrets now. 

With Geralt’s arms around him, Jaskier questions reality. Was he actually dreaming? Or was he just in denial about what Geralt had said to him.

“I love you so much I can’t leave you,” Jaskier whispered to himself under his breath.

Geralt shifted a bit and held him tighter. Soon, he was awake.

“Jaskier.”

He hates how whenever Geralt said his name, he pronounced it so well and said it with such feeling that it made Jaskier’s heart jump every single time. 

“Geralt.”

His tone is curt, but curious. He’s not sure where he stands anymore when it came to Geralt and he was unsure where things were going. Better to be unsure than to have a definitive rejection. Or maybe it wasn’t, Jaskier thought as he felt his heartstrings twist as if he were being tuned like a lute.

“You passed out.” 

“Oh.”

More silence. The tension cuts through Jaskier as he sits there still. Geralt still hasn’t taken his hands off of him. He scoots back, closer to Geralt. Almost as if he’s testing him. It’s fucked, but he still does it. Geralt just leans more into him and holds him closer if that’s even possible.

“I’m sorry, Jaskier. I didn’t mean what I said. I regretted it immediately. This has been the worst month of my life and it was because you left. I can’t– I don’t– I just,” Geralt stops and sighs the deepest sigh ever. He can feel him shaking his head. 

Jaskier doesn’t say anything.

“I know I fucked up. I never meant to break your heart. I ended up breaking both of ours. I know you don’t feel the same, but I had to tell you last night because it’s the truth. I really do. I really do love you, Jaskier.”

Geralt feels Jaskier stiffen like he did last night. Fuck, did he break him? Again?

Then, Jaskier’s rolling over to face him.

“I don’t believe you.”

The words hit Geralt like a slap to the face. They cut at his heart strings like a slash of a sword and he’s rendered speechless as Jaskier looks up at him with daggers. If looks could kill, Geralt would have been dead on arrival. 

“I don’t believe you because you’ve never expressed interest before. I never got any affection. Never a sign. No signals. None.”

A hint of Jaskier's usual cadence slips out and Geralt knows he’s teasing him. A quirk of a smile tugs at his mouth as he watches Jaskier continue.

“And I can’t believe you, Geralt! Confessing to me after a show! After I poured my heart and soul into that experimental performance...following me, pursuing me in the dead of the night. In the cold. Holding me tightly as the wind whipped against us. Enveloping me with your apology….”

Jaskier stared at him, holding it as Geralt sighed.

He’s back.

“You did all of that. In dramatic fashion. For what? To carry me back. Wake me up with your arms embracing me so tenderly, your head resting against me with the softness I wasn’t expecting. Geralt...you’ve really outdone yourself with these theatrics. That’s why I don’t believe you for a second…”

Jaskier shifts closer so that their faces are barely an inch away. 

He whispers, “I don’t believe that you did all of this...for me. As far as your love goes, I know. I’ve known deep down that you secretly liked me. I am just in awe that you took the time to sit through my entire set and seek me out. That, Geralt, that...is...love.”

Jaskier lingers for a moment, then before Geralt knows it, his hands are on his neck as his lips collide roughly against his. The kiss is deep, desperate, and damn well a long time coming. Geralt runs his hands through Jaskier’s hair, the softness hidden in the rough actions. The kiss gets intense as Jaskier shifts until he’s on top of Geralt.

They pant after they pull away. Jaskier looks down at him and grins.

“You found me. Even when you were the one to tell me to get lost...I’ll stay, Geralt. I’ll stay by your side for as long as the universe lets me. Because I– I love you so much I can’t leave you.”

**Author's Note:**

> tumblr: @rainbowrabblerouser


End file.
